Breast Cancer, not to worry

So, I had my annual check-up at the end of September and just as the physician was finishing my exam, she says, "Hmm, have you felt this lump here before?" I admitted that I had, but passed it off as nothing. She was not satisfied. lectured me for not doing anything about that as a nurse (hee hee) I "KNOW BETTER" and scheduled me for an ultrasound of the left side of my chest. The place she scheduled me with was a Breast Cancer and Women's Breast Health Center---not scary, right? I took girlfriend on my appointed day and was dismayed that children under 12 aren't allowed to be in the room and that I would need to re-schedule my appointment. Okay, fine. I rescheduled my appointment. I had only told mom who supposedly only told dad b/c I just didn't want to talk about it, or get people worked up over nothing.

I went to my appointment that morning and the u/s tech did both sides just to "be sure." I figured something was up when she took an INCREDIBLY long time on one particular area which oddly enough, was not the area my doctor was concerned about. She told me she wanted to talk to the radiologist and that she would be right back. She came saying that there was an area of suspicion and that to be sure I needed to have a more intense u/s and a mammogram that day. So, while staring at the dots on the ceiling, she did her job and the shipped me over to the mammogram area. There were a ton of women in there, and all were on edge. There was one really sweet older lady who told me she would be 74 in a few days and was having her first mammogram. Then, she began asking questions: Why was I there? Did I have any children? What was wrong? Had I had a mammogram before? Then, the pivotal moment that I swear you only see on TV. She said, "You are so young, sweetheart. You have such a small child. I pray for you that everything turns out well. Your child needs to have its mother." I just smiled and said thank you b/c I really was sure that everything was fine, really I was. Then, I had the boob-smashing procedure which is actually NOT that bad at all. I then met with the Breast Health Nurse (and if ever there was a cool nursing job, that one is it) and she brought the radiologist in who said that there was an area of suspicion on my left side and would need to be biospised, but that I was young, blah, blah, blah. The nurse was overly concerned and even called me the next day to see how I was doing. Really, I was fine b/c I was unremarkably at-ease that I knew this was fine.

Anyway, my appointment was scheduled with the Breast Surgeon and I had to change it. So, I went the morning after working my first night shift. He said he was sure everything was fine, but wanted to do any u/s just to "look." When doing the u/s he said, "that looks very suspicious, let's do a needle biopsy." He asked me about 4 times if I wanted to wait and have my husband come back with me for the biopsy. I finally said (almost bursting into tears at this point), "I'm sorry, I am divorced and that was the 3rd question on the health history so I assumed you knew that." He apologized and it's not that I'm sensitive about it much anymore, but come on you asked that on the health history, I'm not wearing a wedding ring, and if after once I tell you that I would just rather have it done today, just go ahead and do it. Anyway, out came the Lidocaine and thus proceeded the needle biopsy. I'd had one done on the back of my thigh almost exactly 10 years ago, so I knew it would be uncomfortable. Anyway, he assured me that the tissue looked normal, not to take a shower and that the little metal chip he permanently inserted would not give me any trouble. I agreed to call their office 2 days later for the results. I forgot to call to 2 days later (I just knew it would be fine) and called a day after that receiving the results that it was benign.

I haven't had an experience like this since having girlfriend. I really believed and was comforted that everything was fine. It was still somewhat unnerving though. One night, I had made dinner and dad didn't eat. I thought he didn't like the look of what I had made, but the next night as he, girlfriend and I sat down to eat, he had taken an especially long time praying by himself. He told me that he had just finished a 36-hour fast for my health. That was really touching b/c I really didn't think about everyone else being worried as I was not worried. There was only one night after putting girlfriend to bed that I let myself worry. So, I prayed and I cried and I prayed and I cried. I envisioned her growing up without me and not knowing how much I loved her and did not want to leave her. Then, I got over it b/c I really knew it was going to be fine. Thankfully, for now everything in life is more than fine for she and I. Sorry for the long-winded post, but I just felt like getting that out there.